Reunited

I didn't plan on being the go-to gal for my fifteen year high school reunion. I had a decent enough time in High School and I had friends in all social circles, but I wasn't the Class President, or the Homecoming Queen. I never waived pom-poms at a football game or kissed the quarterback behind the bleachers.

I did attend dances, some with my closest group of girl friends and others with actual dates. Although I think my favorite date was my BFF Kelly to my Junior Prom. We each got one another a corsage and went dress shopping together. She and I were the modern day Anne & Diana of Anne of Green Gables; bosom buddies, kindred spirits.

Homecoming 1995 with Kyle Meador and reunited at our 15-year reunion

After having to change the reunion location three times, we ended up at Churchill Arms pub in Folsom, home of our Alma Mater. Two bands that were playing that night consisted of members of our graduating class so it seemed like the perfect venue.

When I arrived at the Pub there was only one group of girls from High School that I recognized. They were the girls who had waived pom-poms at football games, and made out with the quarter back behind the bleachers.

I told myself that I was no longer sixteen and was an amazing woman who deserved to breathe the same air as them. I walked over and was greeted warmly and thanked for putting the event on. One of them even hugged me, but she had always been sweet to me even in High School. The others still had a bit of a righteous air about them but they were the only ones there I recognized so I stayed and chatted.

They talked about one of the bands that was going to play, Brown Shoe and one of its members, Aaron Baggley, whom we graduated with. The band has done well--has two records and is comprised of four brothers who were blessed with the beauty gene. Aaron was the guy that all the girls wanted in high school. He had and still has, boyishly handsome good looks and a smile that makes any girl go a little weak in the knees. We had reconnected at the ten-year reunion and he had shown a genuine interest in the fact that I was a foster parent.

As the ladies all talked about Aaron and the level of crushes they had on him in high school, Aaron appeared right in front of us. His eyes got big as he said, "Erica! How have you been?!" and hugged me. We chatted for a minute before one of the ladies tried to talk to him. He was polite and answered her question before turning back to me to say he sees the photos of my daughter on Facebook and how adorable she is. After he left the girl next to me hit me in the arm as the rest of them picked their jaws up off the floor.

Cheerleaders 0 Erica 1

It's not like I'm keeping score, but it sort of felt like something you'd see in a movie, and it sure felt good.

Brown Shoe Band--Aaron Baggley second from left

More old friends appeared throughout the night and I ended up reconnecting with a lot of my really good ones, and building deeper friendships with people that I only knew as acquaintances. For the most part, a lot of the people were still the same, most had gotten married and several had children.

If I could go back and do high school over I would not change much--I had a lot of different friends and lots of fun while also getting to experience the embarrassing moments that we all have to suffer through as a high school rite of passage. I wasn't afraid to try out for plays or teams or join clubs, and I hope my daughter feels the same way when she's in high school.

If I could go back and talk to myself, I would say, make sure you enjoy the people in your life while they are there, realize that girls hold power over teenage boys, and not to worry about Windy, she ends up pregnant and working at Old Navy.

Girls

Girls can be down right mean to one another. The "you can't play with us," starts as young as Preschool. Girls can be their worst enemy and can be each other's worst nightmare. I can remember being in the second or third grade and walking out on the playground when out of nowhere a little girl maybe a year or two older than me, decided she didn't like the look of me and yanked me to the ground by my hair. That was my first experience with a serious mean girl.

As a Women's Studies major I have done a lot of research, contemplating, reading, thinking, speaking, and writing, on this topic. I could, but won't go into who is to blame, the list it too long and most of you would stop reading because we've dealt with it or heard about it our whole lives. If you really want more answers or need girl friend advice, visit the Friendship Blog. I think we have bigger things to worry about and pitting women against one another or talking about how "bitchy" we all are--it only adds fuel to the fire.

For example, did you know that California women only make 85% of what a man makes for doing the same job? Now that's something we should be focusing on. I think we let petty things get in the way of real issues and if we as women, the majority mind you, grouped together to tackle problems that all women face, we would not only be happier and healthier, but less inclined to claw the eyes out of the woman next to us.

I think a lot of things boil down to confidence. I think we are all born with confidence and for some people it gets "knocked down" or worn away by life, other people, and certain experiences. I have always been fairly confident in my abilities. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I allow others to tell me my dreams are made of pipes, but I still dream them. For instance, my dream is to one day own my own Tea Shop. My families running joke is, "You might as well open up a Smoke Shop, since its' a pipe dream." Joking aside, they would support me no matter what. (*I plan on charging them double as retribution.)

There's a great article on confidence over at the Tiny Buddha. It is not only a reminder on how to build confidence but how to live the life you want.

If you're too lazy to click the link, I'll summarize:

• Know your strengths and weaknesses
• Trust your Capabilities/Believe in yourself
• Expect Success
• Take risks
• Learn to Receive Praise

It's never too late to be the person you have always wanted to be. Treasure your true friends and cultivate friendships with the women in your life that you respect and trust. Be kind to one another and for all the ladies reading this, don't judge other women. You have no idea what kind of day they have had, or what road they've had to travel. I have found that when a woman seems to be glaring at me, the best response is to smile. Once, a woman with "poop lip" (a face scrunched up in disgust, as if smelling poop) was staring at me and my smile stopped her. She smiled right back.  I don't think she even realized she was making that face, but my smile made her change her whole demeanor. 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." -Henry David Thoreau